Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize