I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
