Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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