Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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