R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
