my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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