I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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