Why are handjobs necessary in class?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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