i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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