6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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