i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
