I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
