This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
