On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize