There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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