if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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