First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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