I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
