Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
