This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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