I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize