she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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