Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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