We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
