I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
