i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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