I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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