he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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