I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
