I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
