And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
