Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
