There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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