Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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