his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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