Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
