The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
