it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
