yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
