Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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