You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
