The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
