Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
