I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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