none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
