Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
