I need help removing her.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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