I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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