i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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