Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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