I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
