a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
