New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
