I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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