my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
