I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
being pregnant is like rehab
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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