don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
