i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
