She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
