I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im holly from the hills drunk
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
