and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
