My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
