you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She needs sedatives and a leash
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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