I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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