No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
