I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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