my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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