he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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