I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
